End of Year Class Parties - a Conundrum

It is the end of the school year here and many of us are entering a time of deep exhaustion. Between recitals and end-of-year parties and K/5/8/12 graduations and awards ceremonies and teacher gifts and (fill-in-the-blank), my calendar looks like an engineering schematic. When you have school-aged children and follow a traditional school calendar of some sort, January is meaningless as the beginning of a "new year". It is August when the new year begins. It is June when the year ends. July is overheated month of desperate vacations and summer "plans" that provide fodder for August conversations. As a teacher, this has been my annual rhythm every year since I was 5, and at my now advanced age seems natural.

What doesn't seem natural AT ALL is the new "normal" of the end-of-year class party. I offer Exhibit A:

The teacher gift for my child's kindergarten teacher

Above is the teacher gift I put together for my child's kindergarten teacher, ripped from the ideas posted on Pinterest and modified for my own lack of craftability. Please do not misunderstand. No one forced me to do this! In fact, I volunteered to create the class gift presentation. I also believe teachers deserve gifts and praise and money (although as a high school teacher I seldom found any money-wrapped crayons coming my way - lol). But why does my generation feel the pressure to do these things on such an extravagant scale? Wouldn't we honor teachers more by spending that time and energy petitioning for REAL pay increases or volunteering to do lunch duty through the year so she or he can actually eat a meal or organizing a classroom "slush fund" so he or she doesn't have to spend the pitiful amount of money received buying things that the school SHOULD provide but it underbudgeted to offer (because, FYI, that money was earmarked by our legislature for technology or test prep or whatever trend du jour is making the rounds - don't even get me started)? I don't begrudge teachers the chance to have a well-deserved cash bonus from the parents, but think there are better (or perhaps just additional) ways to offer support.

And why are parents at the class parties? We stand around awkwardly, watching our children make one last craft and taking pictures like a crazy person, and I feel like 80% of us are wondering WHY we had to take a morning off work/gym/housecleaning/etc to come and watch our child at a party at school. I will happily send in the snacks. I will happily provide craft materials. But I strongly feel like the LAST thing my child needs is me there staring at her/him while she/he plays freeze dance. I am happy my child GETS to do these things. I just don't think the enjoyment is multiplied at all by my mad observation skills. And while I think that communities need to become MORE engaged and PRESENT in the schools, waiting until the end of the year or running into school for a 20 minute snack/craft/music sprint seems like a largely superficial form of "involvement". Current laws and policies prevent easy involvement in the class on other days. The standardized curriculum leaves little to no time for an hour or more a week where a parent could come and read to the class or lead a craft while the teacher answers emails and breathes deeply. We are barely allowed to know the names of the children in the class, much less become a community, due to FERPA and security policies and all of the things that are done to PROTECT our children. I vote we let parents stay home from the parties and instead we have a class photographer who can share these precious images with us. And I also vote we lower the bar for these parties about one million degrees. It is a kid party in an elementary school. Time for a reality check (and I say this as one of the people who decided the kids should really make snowmen out of marshmallows and icing for the snack in the winter party).

Is it summer yet? :)
 

So Grateful for Pinterest!

I am grateful for many, many things in this world. Social media is always a sticky subject. So much social media highlights things that each of us are great at doing (which is WONDERFUL) but leaves me feeling like a failure when I am not at least making strong efforts in ALL of those areas! So I try to stay away from venues like Facebook where I can scroll for hours and realize how far away from "winning" I really am and stick to social media that leaves me feeling a little more empowered. Enter PINTEREST.

On our way to a competition! I cannot tell you how happy she is to wear lipstick (GASP!) OUTSIDE! I look like a hot mess

because I just spent approximately one hour trying to figure out how to apply that lipstick (and get that hair in place) while discouraging my 4 year old from helping. Who has time to do the adult's hair and make-up? NOT ME!

Many people hate Pinterest. And I get that. I do! You can look at all the great stuff and think, "I NEED to be making wreathes out of my children's cherished onesies - why didn't I do that?" But what I love is that I can just hop onto the magnifying glass and only see entries about what I WANT to pursue (mostly). It serves as great inspiration (sometimes). :) And when I have a Pinterest "fail", it gives me lots of opportunity to laugh and laugh and laugh.

Recently, I am grateful for the girl hairstyle search on Pinterest. My eldest is a dancer. She needs to wear her up at least 3 (and often more) days a week. I needed ideas because she was starting to give me THAT LOOK. The look that says, "I am not going to complain about wearing this simple bun because I don't want you to feel badly, but I REALLY wish my hair could be a little more." I am not imagining this look, I promise. And when you can tell what she is thinking, and appreciate that she is kind enough not to put it out there for you to hear, it combines to form a powerful motivation. Again, enter Pinterest!

Long story short, today I did an upside down French braid into a bun! It didn't look exactly like the picture (not even close) but I felt great about making some steps in the right direction. And she LOVED it! :) Hooray, Pinterest!!! And bobby pins! And foam bun makers! :)

The Fresh Start of Summer! Sugar Free and Likely Losing My Mind

Wow - it has been so long! As a teacher, summer OFTEN allows me a spare minute or so (even though teachers do NOT get the summer off, as many think - it is a forced, unpaid furlough through which I often work to try to keep pace with the 10 months I DO get paid that I nevertheless love) and I found myself here, writing to myself! :)

Today marks the beginning of summer (mostly) for me because my current school term ended. I have a short break (with several things to wrap up, but still a break!) for the next couple of weeks before summer classes being. As a teacher, I have never NOT been on a school schedule (since my fifth year of life, anyway). Each summer marks a new beginning - a chance to reflect and redirect. I find that instead of NEW YEAR'S resolutions, I make SUMMER resolutions. And my first was to return to the discipline of daily writing. I am at the computer for my current iteration of teaching each and every day, so sitting at the computer over the summer was, at first, not appealing. (How much MORE sedentary can I get in a day!) But a change in policy at my current work led me back to the computer for the summer and so, why not? :) I will just have to do a few million jumping jacks to prevent DVT each day!

My three and one I claim as my own but who actually goes home with other parents. I think they heard about my summer plans here. :)

My second summer resolution was to go device-free as a family, with a few rare exceptions built in for birthdays or sick days and occasional video-making madness as part of an art project, etc. My expectation is that there will be much screaming and protests from a certain 4-year-old who is addicted to MLP videos on Kid's YouTube and from a certain 6-year-old who thinks Minecraft is the only reasonable afternoon activity if it is at ALL hot or at ALL cold outside. Bless.

Maybe they are plotting to save the devices from isolation?

My third summer resolution was to eliminate all added sugar. I am late to this bandwagon, but I have been doing some research (and by that I mean reading what other people researched and watching YouTube videos that seem less crazy and binge-watching documentaries on Netflix!) and have become convinced, at least temporarily, of the potential health benefits for my family. For the summer, I am limiting sugar to "natural" sugars in non-GMO foods or sparing amounts of natural sugar sources such as honey and maple syrup (no more than 12 grams a day of the sugar sources). In the fall, we will evaluate the results, and my current state of sanity. It is all about cost-benefit here!

I have heard the initial period of sugar-free will be brutal, and I believe it! My children have a love for sugar that cannot be denied, and so do I. How then will we prepare for the transition? Great question! I have no idea. I had some idea of a sugar-free pep rally, but then thought perhaps a sneak attack would be better. Perhaps a contest? Or maybe bribery? Some combination? I think it will be a lot like convincing my children that sleeping through the night is wonderful - a lot of initial complaints, some crying from all involved parties, and eventual mixed results. Fun, right?

I will update, update, update! I even bookmarked this on my favorites bar so I wouldn't forget!

When Your Child Gets Left Out

Recently, I picked up my six-year-old from school and off we headed to gymnastics.  "How was school today?"  "Great!"  "Who did you play with today?"  "Nobody.  Everyone was busy.  I just played by myself."  This has become the expected answer.  And I would be okay with that, if I didn't know that she really wants to have friends playing with her.  But, when she bravely performed at a talent show (yes, she was fantastic!) she was so excited that, "Now, everyone will know me and I will have LOTS of friends" I knew.  I knew that she was NOT okay with playing by herself.  And I hurt for her.  

Then, today at a Mother's Day performance at my 4 year-old's preschool (such a wonderful school!), one of the moms (who clearly didn't recognize my son was in her class) started talking to two of the other moms of sons in our class about another play date.  I realized that they had held play dates several times, but my son had not been invited.  Why?  Why didn't they want their sons to play with mine?  

Exclusion is seldom fun.  Perhaps we all experience the sense of loneliness, embarrassment, and shame that tags along with being the "kid by her/himself" on the playground, or not being invited to hang out with classmates.  As an adult, it stings.  But I never realized how awful it would feel when I saw it happen to my child.  I felt like I had failed them.  I had somehow not taught her/him the skill of being included.  I wanted to hug and kiss them and reassure them that the other people were absolutely insane to not want to play all day!  

But I didn't.  Instead, I told my daughter that it is absolutely okay to play by yourself.  That is she saw someone else who was playing alone, she should ask her/him to play.  That even if the other child said, "No", that it was okay and that she should always remember that she was loved all the day long, not just by her mommy and daddy and God, but by friends outside of school.  I told her one day she would find the PERFECT friend or group of friends, and she would be SO GLAD.  (I told myself these same truths).

Two Weeks To Go!

I am trying to get everything on my "to do" list done by this Saturday so that I can relax for a few days before the scheduled delivery (of course, this is all based on her not deciding to arrive early!) Aubrey's party is Friday at the dance studio and her Nana and Gramps are coming down (hooray!) to attend. If I work hard this week and get everything else done, after the party I should be down to the "normal" tasks with no special projects. Preparing home and family for a new arrival is certainly a lot of work, but so very exciting. One of my last projects: I am finishing a list of activity bags to prepare for the preschoolers while I am off to the hospital. Here are a few of my easiest/favorites ...

• The circulars from a Sunday paper, 4 pieces of differently colored construction paper, and glue. The kids have to find as many pictures as possible that have the same color as the paper and glue them to that paper.
• Printed paper with rows of 4 shapes in different orders (easy to do with MS Word!), printed paper with the same shapes all mixed up to cut out. The kids cut out the mixed up shapes and then organized them to look like the rows. You can then use the cut-out shapes to make different pictures in another bag!
• Printed paper with pictures of common backyard items (like a leaf, etc). The kids take the paper outside and find the items. When they find the item they can take a picture (Aubrey has a kid camera) or draw the item or simply show me.
• A deck of cards all mixed up. The kids are supposed to sort the cards - Eli can sort by color, Aubrey by number, etc. I include a list of "ways to sort" to remind myself of the possibilities.
• Construction paper, stickers, markers ... kids make cards for relatives, friends, me.
• Mystery CD - pick any music CD you want, the kids listen to the CD, pick a song, and make up a dance to go with that song.
  
• Extra photos that you have cut to make "puzzles" that the kids put together. They especially love it when they are in the picture!
• Action cards: printed pictures of kids doing different actions (such as jumping jacks, or running). The kids "pull" a card and do that action. You can also do this with cards of different animals (like a bunny) that the kids have to "act out".
• Construction - using Legos or pipe cleaners or whatever you have, build something and take a picture. Print out the picture and deconstruct the materials. The kids have to try to recreate the item with the materials.
• Other Toy Time - take a picture of toys that you have in cubbies, etc (like the collection of Tag books) and print the pictures so that each toy "set" is featured in its own picture. Then, when it is time, the kids "draw a card" and go play with those toys until the timer goes off
  

I am sure there are many better ideas - but these were a few of mine. The possibilities are really limitless and once you have the bags set up they last for a few uses!!

4 Weeks!

At most, I now have four weeks before our newest addition!! I have taken serious inventory of the things that I need for an infant. After two children, this process is much easier - and I already have many of the "essentials". What have I learned is necessary for me to make caring for an infant easier?

• First - having a supply of diapers, wipes, and several changing stations (with a DiaperGenie). We have a station in her room and in the den, so that it is never far away. We are going to transition to cloth diapers for this little one, as she won't be going to daycare, but we plan to use disposables for the first couple of weeks.
  
• Next, I love the My Breast Friend (hate the name - it is a little creepy - but the product rocks) for BF and, of course, a pump.
  
• We have a place for her to sleep (hahahahaha) at night.
  
• I am trying a different wrap this time - instead of the sling I used with the last two, I am using a Mei Tai wrap.
  
• If you have more than one child, or if you have animals, you know the need to set up "safe places" for the baby in the common areas - someplace I can set her down and the other kids will not have immediate access.
  
• I have about 10 outfits for her (which should get me through 2 or 3 days of "I didn't have time to do laundry").
  
• I also need to have several preprepared freezer meals, our clothes all washed and ready for a week or so of no/sporadic laundry, and
  
• A few busy-time bags set up for the kids (large Ziploc bags with an activity that keeps the older kids busy for 30 minutes or so).
• A journal/calendar to jot down funny/terrifying moments that can later be transferred to a scrapbook or baby book.
• A camera - charged and ready to go! - and my iPod (for moments where I really need to get away, but can't, I use music as a mental escape).
  

There is a much longer list of "hope to have's" ... but the above are what I consider essential! Next I will post a list of my favorite "busy time" bags that will hopefully help me keep my New Year's Resolution of Incredibly Limited or No TV for the kids (I still plan to late-night watch Top Chef and Project Runway and Masterpiece Mystery!!)

The Benefits of Seeing It Over and Over

My youngest (well, the youngest who is actually on the "outside") is entranced by a certain animated horse movie that stars a mustang horse and a Lakota youth. This means that I get requests to watch the movie every single day (I am pretty sure he would watch it on a constant loop if I permitted!) and that translates to actually watching the movie at least 3 times a week. Of course, I have heard many friends comment on how their little ones like to watch the same movie or show over and over. At first, this seemed a move destined to drive me literally insane, but I have come to appreciate the subtle nuances I missed the first (twenty) viewings. I like that I can time other activities by the current status of the movie. I feel zero compunction about switching it off at any point (we can always talk through the ending). And, since I have long since previewed and reviewed the content, I don't have to watch it while it is on - at all!

Scientists suggest we have a novelty gene - a gene that controls our love of new things. Many of us will only read a book one time, grow quickly irritated when our grandmother/father/friend tells us the same story for the fiftieth time, or become bored with routine workouts/meals/jobs. Yet a toddler will repeat an action, read a book, and watch a movie on an endless pattern. And while our youngest can quote lines and learn every detail, we often miss the minutia (even the word "minutia" evokes images of meaningless details). How often, though, is it the details and a thorough understanding of every part of the picture that would lend to us an advantage? How much have we missed as we seek to always experience the "new" instead of rigorously investigating the familiar?